A Clear Channel - Day 128

Yesterday I ordered 4 books on Elder Care from amazon.com. I am not playin'. Whenever I enter new territory, I like to be as knowledgeable as possible. I love doing research anyway especially when I get to put whatever I learn into practice. I had started paying attention to the fact that I may have to care for my mother a while ago and the time has definitely come. I want to be armed with a plethora of information and resources in order to make sure that my mother is well taken care of. I certainly don't have all the answers at the moment, I'm not even sure what the questions are, but like I've said before, there are some first steps that need to be taken. Just to make sure I don't procrastinate, God has blessed me with yet another job. I had a callback for a Disney movie today and booked it! I have been on the Disney lot numerous times, but today for some reason, I decided to wander around after my audition. I went to Starbucks, visited the archives and a courtyard with bronze statues of Walt Disney with Mickey and Minnie Mouse and hand prints of many people who have worked for Disney in various capacities. As I strolled around it felt so peaceful like it would be a really nice place to work. They even have their own gym and a wellness center. Oh, and as I was walking into the waiting area for my audition, I ran into a comic friend of mine who worked there. How ironic! We had a long chat after my audition.
So now, I have to get to South Carolina, bring my Mom back to New York and get back here for my shoot in late July. Just a little sumpin' to make this challenge all the more interesting. Let's see how it all works out.

A Clear Channel - Day 127

God must have something really good in store for me right about now. This has been a year of purging. I haven't had so much "newness" in a long time. Old things are falling away and all things are becoming new. Does this mean I have finally grown up? Every time I turn around these days there's some new thing in my life. Today, it's a new mobile phone. Now that may not sound like a big deal, but I'm a baby boomer. I never even used my old phone to its fullest capacity and I've had it for years. Now I have a phone that does even more stuff and the things I know how to do are done differently. I've also got a new land line, new financial institutions, a new way of looking at my my finances, a new relationship and a new mom. What does it all mean? I have no idea, but one day I will look back and say, "Oh...that's what that was all about."
I celebrated 6 years of serenity in my program yesterday morning and I shared about what's going on with my mother and asked for support. I got several phone numbers and chatted with a few people at lunch who have been where I am now. I'm building my team cause I know I can't do this alone. I don't think anyone can possibly know exactly how this will all turn out, but at least I know what the first couple of steps need to be. Everyone tells me it won't be easy (and I believe them) but they have faith in me because they know me to be a strong woman (I believe that too). It's time for me to stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before me. I can't even pretend to know what I'm up against. I know my mother and there's nothing easy about her. I get my strength from her and I'll need it more than ever but I don't want to use it to struggle with her, I want to use it to advocate for her. I want her to know that I have her best interest at heart and that the outcome of this situation needs to be a win for everyone.

A Clear Channel - Day 126

What a spiritual connection I have with my sweetie. The day after my car battery died and I got a replacement, the same thing happened to him!! I feel like a teenager in love and it feels GOOD!!! Unlike in my youth, I know this is real and for all the right reasons. Danny is totally in the mix as far as my decision making regarding my Mom. I have amazing friends (Ralph, Jack, Carol Ann and others) who have been talking me through this process guiding me in the right direction. Lydia, Sherri, Danny and others have been praying with me. My facebook friends have been praying for me and Mom. I realize now that this is not a one shot deal. It's one day, one step at a time. (I may have said that before). It's like being on a journey to an unknown destination. I just have to trust with all my heart and soul that when I take the first step and do what I have to do, I will then know what the next step is.
I've had talks with my agents and managers and may have to take some time off from my work to concentrate on Mom. Maybe stay in New York for a while. I know it will all work out, there is nothing to fear. Her health and well being is most important now. A long conversation with my dear friend Ralph put a lot of things in perspective for me last night. I am grateful for all the love and support I have been receiving from people I love and trust. I have nothing to fear.

A Clear Channel - Day 125

What a difference a day makes!! Woke up early this morning with the intention of calling AAA, getting a boost, driving to the Honda dealer, then taking the bus to Paramount for my audition. Well, I did get up early, called AAA and found out that they could check my battery and if that was the problem, replace it on the spot. When the tow truck arrived in front of my home not one but two gentlemen got out to help me. Jose was the younger one and the more mature man is to be called Papa. The battery was dead, they replaced it, checked the alternator and $115 later I was good to go. That took all of 6 minutes, but they stayed longer because Jose had a testimony. He shared all about the glory of God and how there are no mistakes in life. Everything happens for a reason, we have to trust and stay out of God's way. Now how did he know I needed to hear that? God is making His presence known everywhere I go. Just before this happened my wonderful man prayed that everything would be OK. Danny may be 3,000 miles away, but he knows who to call when I need help. Somebody greater than you and I.
I was feeling so good after that, I went to get my car washed, went to my audition and then picked up my friend, my sista Carol Ann and we had a girl's afternoon. Lunch at Versailles and off the mall to do a little shopping. I even got my eyebrows done for my shoot on Friday. Now I have to do my hair. Wanted to blog first cause I'll be up for a while.

A Clear Channel - Day124

Back in LA and hit the ground running. As I stood at baggage claim yesterday waiting for my luggage, I checked messages. Two auditions. By the time I got home...three. Another one was added today. As a matter of fact, I have to go watch a movie to prepare for tomorrow's appointment. Went to the dentist between auditions thinking I could get my teeth cleaned in 15 minutes. What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn't. Can't stop thinking about my Mom and what she needs right now. Wondering if I have what it takes to step up to the plate. My closest friends tell me that I can do this. At the dentist, I spent so much time chatting with the doctor about my Mom, I ran out of time and had to cancel in order to make it to my second audition in time. I just paid for the session since it was my misjudgment. The doctor did offer some good insight so the visit was of value.
At my last stop before driving home, my car died. Just wouldn't start. Ironically, there was a AAA tow truck in the parking lot I was in helping another member. I caught him just as he was about to pull off, and he gave me a boost in two seconds, off the record. I drove a few blocks home, turned off the engine and it wouldn't start again. I'm so numb right now, I couldn't even get upset. I got my neighbor to give me another boost and I drove to the Honda dealer but they were closed. Since I just came from New York, the land of public transportation, my plan for tomorrow is to call AAA, get a boost, drive to the Honda dealer, then take the bus to my audition. I can do this. I have a dear friend who's an actress and doesn't drive and she makes it to every audition and job she gets. If she can do it, so can I. I'll let you know how I made out.

A Clear Channel - Day 123

As I sit here at 7:50AM on this Monday morning waiting for Danny to take to me to the airport, I replay the past 3 weeks in my head. It's all very surreal. To think that the original plan was to take my Mom to South Carolina to see the newest addition to the family feels more dreamlike that the actual events that have occurred. The whole nursing home drama, seeing my Mom as someone I almost don't recognize and knowing that I am responsible for her care is HUGE!! I know it will all work out somehow, but I have no clue how to make it happen. I don't think I'm very good at all this. I will be still and listen for answers, ask for help, do research, whatever it takes...by any means necessary my Mom will be taken care of.
And how does one fall in love in the midst of all this is beyond me, but Daniel Chisolm has been by my side each and every day through this difficult time. And not just holding my hand...we went to see theatre, dance, restaurants, church, BBQ's and spent a lot of time together. We were actually dating after knowing each other for 32 years. And during this amazing time together, I love him more than I ever did before. We're gonna be a teary mess at that airport, my tears have already started.
I'm even contemplating work on the east coast although I love where I live in LA, and my career there is flourishing. Before I left, I felt like I was on the verge of something but here I would be starting all over in a sense. It's intrguing in a way.
First things first, I need to help get my Mom back on track and take it from there. This is not a situation that can be handled quickly. I know I have to come back to New York get our business in order, get my Mom to her doctor and take it from there. I have an idea of what I think the perfect scenario would be, but I am not in charge, God is. I pray to know His will.

A Clear Channel - Day 122

Let me catch you up on what's been happening the last couple of days. My Mom is FREE! Out of the "facility" that I can now call a nursing home even though she was only there for physical therapy. It broke my heart to see her in there day after day for only two hours of PT. She was miserable. But now she is in a beautiful home with our extended family and lots of support until I can get there and bring her back home. Lots of decisions need to be made in the next few weeks but this is an ongoing change of life experience. With a little room to breathe and some help from my support system, I know I can handle this.
In the meantime, my wonderful Danny surprised me with tickets to Alvin Ailey at BAM last night. It just gets better and better. We make 20 year olds blush when we're out together and he awed our beautiful waitress last night. When my man stepped away from the table for a minute, she just looked at me and said..."Wow, he's such a gentleman"... All I could say is, "Yes he is..."
I may have to relocate back to NY to take care of my Mom because I have to, but I would relocate back to NY for my man because I WANT to. Stay tuned...