Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 204

Another pouring rain storm in the middle of the night in Hollis Queens. I love it!
Had an interesting day yesterday. A family friend who was doing my Mom and I a favor, said something to me that hurt my little feelings. I felt she was out of line. Although I've love to get this off my chest and move on, I realize I don't want to get into this now because anyone can read this blog. I'm starting to censor what I say here and I don't like that feeling. Originally, I didn't care who was reading it but I'm changing my mind. I still have a goal of 365 blogs. Let's see if I make it.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 203

Danny and I have been playing house for about a week now, but last night we cooked our first meal together. That was interesting. I really need to work on my collaboration skills in the kitchen. I kinda wanted to do it my way. I'm used to either cooking for myself or having someone cook for me. When he wanted to add more paprika and sliced onion to my baked chicken, I had a bit of an attitude. That's not how my Mama did it. That's not like MY baked chicken recipe. What a brat I am. That chicken was slammin'!! And so was the brown rice, the corn, the roasted veggies and the salad. Now that I got over that hurdle, it will be better next time although I noticed we haven't made dinner plans for tonight yet. Let's see what happens. I also feel a little torn between two households but that's another story. All I know is my Beloved didn't request any biscuits with his meal last night. Whew!

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 202

I just realized I haven't checked my email since I've been here in New York. That's one week! Yikes. That's one of the reasons I bought this laptop. Obviously, I've been making time to blog, check out facebook and look up a couple of addresses on mapquest. This week, I've really got to get down to business with my Mom. With Danny being off from work last week I split my time between the two of them more than I thought I would. My Mom is not into the "one big happy family" concept so some activities have to be separate. Danny and I did take Mom to church yesterday. She looked beautiful!! All three of us saw people we hadn't seen in years. Very nice. I think I found the place where I will send my tithes until I find a church home in L.A. In the meantime New Jerusalem Baptist Church feels like home to me.
After church Danny and I went into the city to a jazz club. My friend Andrea Meyerson was in town from L.A. working on a documentary. She's been working on this project for a while and I wanted to support her. Besides, we had never hung out in New York together and I wanted her to meet Danny. Andrea and her partner Maureen gave him the thumbs up and that means a lot to me. The reviews are in...he's an all around good guy...but I knew that already.
I was pretty tired after all that, but there was one more stop. We had to drive to Brooklyn to pick up my lost wallet. We met Adrienne and her lovely family at their home, chatted a bit and was on our way. I hope we will keep in touch. Adrienne is my new best friend. Now I'm going to go put my wallet back together or probably throw most of the contents away. I know I'm going to be wondering from now on....what do the contents of a person's wallet reveal to a perfect stranger? Hmmmmmm?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 201

What a day. God is good. So I experienced Coney Island with my Beloved. I could blog about how I was only there to support him because I really didn't feel like I fit in with these people dancing in a trance like state to house music I didn't recognize. I really wanted to get into it and join them but I just wasn't feeling it. Danny was totally enjoying himself as usual (he talks about going to Coney Island every weekend) and I certainly didn't want to sit there with my lips all poked out. The last thing I wanted was to ruin his fun time with his friends. And then.....we took a walk on the beach to watch the sunset, then he asked one of the drummers if I could play his djembe, then we hustled together just like back in the day. He did everything to make the evening enjoyable for me. I don't consider myself high maintenance but I know I can be a little grumpy at times. I'm so thankful my sweetie brings out the best in me. We really had a good time. On the walk to the car, I just had to get some popcorn so we stopped a little place right down the street from Nathans were I just had to get a hot dog a few hours earlier. We get the popcorn, walk to the car and drive off. About half way home I discover I had lost my wallet. We drove all the way back to the popcorn place, retraced our steps....nothing. Fortunately, it wasn't the wallet with all the important stuff. Whoever found it would get some money, my SAG card, insurance cards and a bunch of junk I should have thrown away a long time ago. Oh well, I was really working on letting go even though I had a fantasy of getting a facebook message from some nice person who found my wallet. My phone seemed to have a lot of activity going on so I checked my messages just the keep my mind off my missing stuff and the first message was from an angel. Her name is Adrienne. She found my wallet!! On the corner at Nathans. She and her family were coming from dinner. She googled me and called about three different numbers after finding my webpage. It was so cute because the first thing she said was..."don't get too excited, there's no ID, drivers license or credit cards". After explaining to her that those items were in a different wallet, she asked me if anyone from Hot Java had called me. (Lord this is a long story). My friend Jack had called because he got a call in California that my wallet had just been found in Brooklyn and he thought I had gotten mugged. So ironic, I had texted Jack some pics of Nathans earlier just to make his mouth water.
I will be meeting Adrienne tomorrow or during the week. Oh, did I tell you she read yesterday's blog so she knew the number she was calling was indeed attached to me cause I blogged about going to Coney Island. It's so nice to know there are decent, honest people in the world.
So how was Coney Island? Awesome. Between texting, google, blogs and mobile phones social networking took on a whole new meaning for me tonight.
Thanks Adrienne!!!

A Clear Channel - Day 200

Day 200. Wow. Only 165 blogs to go (details later). I wish I could say it was 200 consecutive days, but I've missed a few especially lately. My ritual had been to blog every night before bed but here in New York staying with my sweetie pie it just hasn't happened that way. Hmmmmm, I wonder why...
Just had lunch with my Mom and my god brother. What a god send he has been. We had a little business to take care of and now I'm off to Coney Island with Danny. He is crazy about Coney Island and so proud to be a Coney Island dancer. I'll probably have a good time, but I'm really not as excited about it as he is. I don't know why that is, I haven't been to Coney Island in's a landmark. Maybe after today I will feel differently. I'll let you know.
Yesterday, we had a real family day. Danny took me and my Mom grocery shopping and then I came home to fix dinner for the three of us. My Mom requested my potato salad and I also made roasted veggies and a slammin' meatloaf. I totally miscalculated the timing of the meatloaf. It was still raw inside when I served the rest of the meal, so we pretended to be vegetarians last night. Every thing was delicious and we'll have meatloaf sandwiches tomorrow.
I'm feeling more and more optimistic about my Mom's situation every day. No matter what, everthing's gonna be alright.
Off to Coney Island to do the do do do do de do do the hustle...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 199

What a fun day. Caught up on some phone calls and set up some meetings for my Mom.
Tonight I went to the first rehearsal of the Brooklyn Interdenominational Choir. My beloved Danny has been excited about this choir for months. After sitting in the back of tonight's rehearsal I can see why. There were about 100 singers there (mostly sopranos) and the choir director (Pastor Frank Haye) wants it to be 200 strong. There was such great energy in the room and I love Pastor Haye's style. It promises to be a blessing to the entire city of New York. They will be doing TV appearances, traveling and going into the studio to record. I can tell you right now, if I were here in the NYC I would totally be a member of this choir. They learned three songs tonight and I was singing all the parts! (Quietly). I felt like I had been to church.
Hmmmm...I think I miss singing.

A Clear Channel - Day 198

Did you miss me? It's been a couple of days since I've let you in on the not so secret life of Carlease. I've been traveling, visiting and getting massages.
I'm here in New York with my Mom and my man and things are going quite well. My Mom is running around like she never had knee surgery but I am still concerned about some things. I'm learning to take it one day at a time. I have a wonderful support team and we are working it all out. It was fun to accompany my Mom to her hair appointment yesterday. I've got my eye on her big time.
Last night, I treated Danny to a massage. No, I did not give him one, I took him to a professional!! My dear friend Donna M. Webb (google her on the web) retired from her first profession at an early age and has been studying massage therapy which seems to be leading her into other healing arts. She is amazing and I am so proud of her. You know you've had a good massage when you fall asleep on the table and then go home and fall out again. Unbeknownst to me, this was Danny's first professional massage and he was not disappointed. How lucky is he to be right here in Queens near Donna. Me? I'm trying to figure how to move her out to L.A.!!! She even gave us tips so we can give each other massages. She taught us just enough but not too much. We know where we have to go to get the real deal. In either case, ya'll must check her out and tell all your friends in the New York area. She has a beautiful set-up in Jamaica, Queens and so worth it. She's able to target your problems areas and make the proper adjustment without even saying a word.
Donna, your hands are like magic and I will be back so you can work on my back!! Danny thanks you too!
Make your appointment ya'll....Donna M. Webb, Licensed Massage Therapist (Google her NOW!)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 197

Now that I've gotten some important business out of the way, I am relaxed and ready to go to New York to see my Mom and my man!! I just finished producing, hosting and headlining my comedy show last night and found out that I don't really need to wear all three hats. I usually just host and produce but there were a couple of requests for me to headline one night. I never had the urge to do that and now I know why. It's like working on a 9 - 5 job all week then coming in on Saturday for free. That doesn't make much sense does it? For those of you who were at the show, I hope you enjoyed it cause it probably won't happen again. I also had a two day workshop that I've blogged about before. It was the third and final part in a series of workshops intended to help actors discover their brand. I wasn't overjoyed with the first two workshops but knew that what I wanted was in this last one. I'm sure the series was designed that way intentionally. I have a tendency to finish what I start no matter how painful, but this time I was not disappointed. Now only did I get a wealth of information but I can continue to do this work on my own and can already see its value in other areas of my life. It's even connected to my relationship with my mother and my mentor gave me some parting words that made quite an impact on me. I will not be posting them here....for my eyes only. Also had a conversation with my Hawaiian Goddess friend Ayin who really brought it all home for me. That's going in my personal journal as well. Bottom line, I'm excited to get to be with my Mom AND to spend time with my Beloved.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 196

I'm trying not to get to freaked out about my trip to New York. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure and not quite sure if I can handle it all. I'm trying to take care of myself while I'm here at home because in New York it's going to be harder to do. At times like this I tend to get moody and very sensitive. I just want to shut down and be left alone but I know I can't do that. I have responsibilities. Some have been placed upon me and some I have placed upon myself. I could also be feeling pressure because I have a huge weekend coming up. A two day seminar and my show tomorrow night. I heavily promoted a headliner that I was more than excited about having in the show and she canceled today. As my mother would say, "One monkey don't stop no show!!" Amen to that. My fellow comics and fans of Laugh-A-Latte have been very supportive, upbeat and positive. So has my Danny. Unfortunately he had a car accident today. In New York City. At rush hour. With a bus. Fortunately he wasn't hurt and like my mother, has GEICO insurance. "Really?" I'll find out more details tomorrow. Enough with the car accidents already. "Unbelievable."

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 195

Went to another locktician today recommended by my friend Kimberly. Although the shop was cute, I had an enjoyable time and the price was right, I now have another "handle" coming out of the side of my head. These braided styles just don't work for me but the only way to achieve my "look" is to leave the locks braided for about a day or two. Unlike my experience in New York a few months ago, I will go back to Terri and we will figure this out. The idea is to take the hair down in stages and have about three different looks along the way. We may have to experiment a bit to get that first style to look as cute as the end result. At least I know I can do it myself but the professionals do add a little something extra and my hair stays neater longer. Either way, the braids are not the most attractive look for me in my opinion.
I think I made a little progress as far as getting a heads up on my Mom's situation. Don't want to speak too soon. As she would say, "let's just wait and see what happens." Wonder what it will take for me to adopt that philosophy?

A Clear Channel - Day 194

Due to technical difficulties, there was no blog from me last night. With two computers one would think I would have back-up but noooooo. I don't know enough to figure this all out. My friend Tree has graciously offered to help, but I think the desktop will be fixed by Friday. Computer guy #1 is coming back and I have a plan B. We'll see what happens.
So I'm feeling a little anxious as my trip to New York approaches. I don't know what I'm going to find and I'm not quite sure what to do with whatever that may be. It all seems so right here in LA, on paper, in conversations with people but it changes when I share it with Flo.
When I'm stressed or confused, I tend to retreat and I could feel that happening today. I made a few calls, did a little reading and went to my djembe class. That really helped. Before class I had forgotten that I hadn't worked on my ezine and decided to just forget about it but after drumming I was re-energized. I came home and got it all done. You can read all about when I post it here tomorrow.

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 193

OK, so I called computer guy #2 and he suggested that I call computer guy #1 back since he and my computer have history. I guess that makes sense. A couple of people have suggested that I might have to remove/erase/take away??? everything and put it all back together again. Isn't that like Humpty Dumpty? So I've got a call out to #1 but this is getting very annoying. I have things to do that are so much more convenient to do on my desktop than on this Mac. I don't have all my important stuff on here yet which is a whole 'nother project! Lord, me and my projects. As I've blogged before, my sweetie is always asking me what my plans are for the day and lately it seems like I am always balancing a checkbook. He is an accountant who deals with a ton of money for the City of New York so he's probably wondering, "How long does it take to balance a checkbook" or "My girl must be loaded!!" The truth is, about three years ago (trying to help someone as usual) I hired a woman to do the prep work before getting my taxes done. It's quite a job, but I had been doing it myself. Well, it was a mess. I might as well have done it myself and she was not cheap! Here we go again with me paying someone for sub-standard results. We haven't even been in touch since then. Anyway, I couldn't figure out how to reconcile my accounts so I did nothing. Now, here I am becoming a care giver for my mother, entering Big Girl unknown territory, so I'm really concerned about getting my shyte in order. I'm going back three years to try and fix this! Record keeping when it comes to money has never been my strength. I know how to make it and I know how to spend it, I can't wait to have Danny around to take care of the rest. Just thinking about it is making me tired. Goodnight.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 192

I can't believe my computer is stuck. Again. I think it's time for a second opinion. For some reason, I had wanted to try a new computer guy, but my neighbor gave me the wrong number before she went out of the country so I called the old computer guy. Even though he has definitely made some improvements and gave me a really cool game, he can't seem to figure how why it just gets stuck. Part of me wants to call him again and part of me wants to call the new guy. After all, there was a reason I wanted someone new in the first place. Only thing is, I can't expect the new guy to fix an old problem for free whereas the old guy has to. I just want it to work correctly. I'm leaning toward calling the new guy (who is right here in the neighborhood by the way) tomorrow. I'll sleep on it and ask for the answer when I wake up.
Today my Beloved and I started on the journey of A Purpose Driven Life. I don't know how many of you know this but I am a self-help junkie. It all started back in the day. While still living at home with my parents I was drawn to Wayne Dyer's "Pulling Your Own Strings" and I was hooked. All these years, I've read book after book graduating to CD's and seminars and have always done the exercises by myself. I can't believe I now have someone in my life who is as interested in self improvement as I am. What a blessing. I'm so not used to this. In the past, the people I have chosen to enter my inner circle have not only been disinterested in making a better life for themselves, but have worked very hard at trying to prevent me from acheiving my goals. Danny and I had an amazing discussion about Chapter One of A Purpose Driven Life today. I look forward to this 40 day journey (and beyond) with him. He is not playin'. "Be careful what you wish for."

A Clear Channel - Day 191

As I said so many times before, care giving can be a beatch!! I have been working very diligently to put some things in place for my Mom's care and thought I had it all figured out. Then I shared it with her and she opposed. Now I feel like all that work was in vain and I had a moment of feeling unappreciated. My Mom is not acting out of character. You would think I would be used to it by now. The good news is, maybe she's getting better. It's hard to tell over the phone, I'll know more when I'm there in person. I have to let her come to some decisions in her way at her own pace at this point. I can't dictate, control or take her dignity away from her. In the words of my program..."don't dominate, nag, scold or complain." I've been advised by one of the members of my team to "Go with the Flo". Brilliant!! My mother's name is Florence, Flo for short. All in all, I just want what's best for her.
I'm just so grateful for my extended family who has stepped up to the plate to help us both.

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 190

My computer guy had to come back today to see why the computer has been freezing up for the past 2 or 3 days. The print and colors still seem light to me but so far no freezing. That's the good news. The bad (not really) news is that he downloaded a game that I absolutely love to play and avoided because I know it will turn me into a vegetable. I don't want to say what it is in case he put on illegally. I've already missed phone calls because I was in the middle of a game and I have a vision of friends and neighbors doing an intervention. There is probably a 12 step group for _______ addiction out there somewhere. Obviously I pulled myself away to do this blog but will I be able to go to bed without playing again? Yikes. That's all I need.
I had a long conversation today that put my mind at ease as to my mother's care. I'm putting some things into place that I feel will help a great deal. I don't want to overwhelm her so I will proceed with caution.
My friend Diane was in town for a commercial audition today and we got to hang at the Sugar Shack. The Sugar Shack is a very unique living space. It's a communal arts colony. Being an only child, I'm so not use to sharing anything but it's kinda cool to vibe on so many people sharing the same space and making it all work. It was actually quite laid back. It's a cross between Woodstock and The Michigan Womyn's (you must spell it with a "y") Music Festival I love being around creative artsy people anyway so it was fun to watch adults and kids living, working and playing simultaneously. Diane's friend has that place so organized. It's amazing. I must take my Beloved there when he comes to visit. I don't think he's seen anything like it. We'll have lots to chat about on the way home from the Sugar Shack.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 189

It's official!! My Beloved and I are leaving for Maui the day after Christmas. I feel so blessed and grateful to be able to do this. Dec. 30th will be a milestone birthday for me and my original intention was to go to Europe. By myself. Then this year turned upside down. My mother had a car accident in May and I've used all the frequent flyer miles I had saved for my trip to go back and forth to New York. Somehow I've managed to work in between which lets me know that my work is all a part of God's plan. I was ready to give it all up and move in with my Mom but circumstances caused me to put on the brakes. Then Danny and I started dating (also in the middle of all this; never saw that coming) and now he's flying out to spend Christmas and my birthday with me. He hasn't been out to L.A. in over 20 years!! We were just friends back then. This time it will be so different. We are both very excited about our trip and time together. It's been a very challenging year. I'm so looking forward to just chillin' with my sweetie. I don't believe I've ever had a vacation like the one we're planning. Every time I've traveled, it's been to see family or I'm working. All in all it's a blessing and I'm so very grateful.

A Clear Channel - Day 188

I got some great news a couple of days sweetie has stopped smoking!! Wow. He didn't tell me for two days. I am so proud of him. Two days is more than half way there for the poison to get out of your body. It takes three. Now I think he has about 5 smoke free days. I'm noticing that we bring out the best in each other. Now that we are in this relationship, I've been observing that we are making changes in our lives in order to be better individuals. I believe this will make our relationship even stronger. The changes we are making are coming from within, not because the other party wants it. Our health and longevity have taken on new meaning. How awesome is that? For me, I have been making and keeping doctors appointments that I have put off in general and since my Mom has been ill. I've been so busy trying to control her doctor's visits I've neglected mine. That has got to stop. So off to bed I go...early dentist appointment tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 187

I'm back on my desktop and it is running faster than it has for a long time. So much so, I could hardly pull myself away from it today. I was back on Outlook and it felt great to manage my contacts and emails the way I used to. I've noticed a couple of possible glitches, but we'll see what happens. For one, the print and colors on the screen seem a bit washed out to me. I'll be looking for a way to change that setting somehow.
I did get off the computer and out of the house long enough to work on my demo reel of my solo show. Thanks to Ron Gilmore of Gilmo Media I now have excerpts on a DVD and on YouTube. Like you've heard so many times before, as soon as I figure out how to connect that link here, you will be the first to know. I've very pleased with the results. Now I have to contact my graphic artist and start working on the postcard. I'm working on a checklist for the college circuit but it will be good to have for anyone who wants to book the show.
Ron also showed me all this cool stuff that my new phone does. Tonight I used it to navigate my way home. Time for bed...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 186

Two. Two. Two blogs in one. I was too tired to blog after getting in from Palm Springs last night. My intention was to check in this morning but I got all caught up in preparing for my computer guy to come a fix my computer. My desktop was running extremely slow, colors were fading and I was so fed up I just stopped using it. Fortunately, I have this Mac so I could keep up as much as possible. But here I am tonight typing on that Mac because my desktop is stuck on a defragmenting page. I'll have to call the computer guy again in the morning to find out what's up.
So let's catch up. Yesterday's trip to Palm Springs was fun as far as hanging out with the girls on the ride down there and being a part of my friend Kimberly winning her very first Bid Whist trophy. I was her partner. She's so new at the game she didn't even want to play cause she thought she would "bring me down." Believe me after the way that tournament was run, it really didn't matter it was all for fun. We ended up tying for second place so we had to share the two trophies with another team. I let Kimberly take ours to her home. She had the biggest smile on her face!!! The event was a bit lame, food not so great but it was good seeing faces I hadn't seen in a while. I'm really not a "group" or "cliche" kinda chick, but every now and then I like to check in. Like I said, the most fun was in the car talking smack and the card game. I wanted to get out of town for minute since it was Labor Day weekend so I continued with that game plan in mind for today. After my computer guy left, I drove to Thousand Oaks to check out some drums. I knew on the way up there that I would probably buy a djembe today and sure enough I did. It took so long to get there and I was anxious to christen my new drum so I decided to follow my teachers to their Monday night class. I thought it was right there in T.O. but we ended up in Ventura. So now I'm a hour outside of L.A.
I hope I don't sound ignorant with these next statements but I was surprised to find myself the only little brown face in class besides the master drummers. OK, I know we were in Ventura County, but I find that has been the norm. I have been in about 4 different drumming classes within the past 6 weeks although I expected to be in the minority as a woman I didn't expect to be in the minority as a Black person. Let me tell you those Ventura County people take their djembes very seriously. Everyone had their own drum so I fit right in with my brand new drum and case. You could tell they were a tight group, everyone knew each other and the master drummers were hustling around before class to get food, utensils, etc. for a birthday celebration for one of the students. It looked like they might be there for a while after class but I wanted to get on the road so I slipped out.
When we have class at Motherland in Culver City, we put our money on our teachers drum at the end of the session. Today, I was summoned into an office and asked to pay before class began. Malik (my teacher) worked that class like I've never seen. He would call out a songs/rhythms I can't even pronounce let alone spell and the students would simultaneously play...slap slap slap tone tone tone bass tone tone slap slap. These people were serious!! I could barely keep up. There'd better be a website with a glossary of terms and some mp3's to practice from. My Wednesday class feels like kindergarten now. Malik and I need to have a little chat.
Shout out to my Beloved for reminding me that I work hard and deserve to treat myself to something I do just for fun. Thank you honey...I Love You. My djembe is beautiful. Tone tone slap slap tone tone slap slap...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 185

It's amazing how quickly dreams can come true. Just a few short weeks ago I blogged about how I wanted to drum for African dancers. Today that dream became a reality. After drum class I hung out with the master drummers at Lulu Washington's Dance Studio. They invited me to sit in with them and drum. What an experience! And I thought drum class was fun. I caught a glimpse of myself in the studio mirror and thought, "I look pretty cool. I could get used to this." Wait til I get my own drum. Throughout the years I've always been attracted to percussion instruments but never really learned how to play any one of them. I really like the djembe. I was really getting into it at the dance studio and before I knew it, class was over. I will be back.
It's Labor Day weekend and I'm driving down to Palm Springs with some friends tomorrow. I've been so busy working and handling business for my mother, I want to feel like I've had a bit of a holiday.
Now I'm going to go do something girlie, like polish my nails. Goodnight.

A Clear Channel - Day 184

Whew! What a day. I started off with meditation and was feeling peaceful and optimistic about my day. Then I called my mother to check on the home attendant and that peace was disrupted. I found it hard to get it back for the rest of the day. I realize that I may lose this home attendant before I fire her...either way her time is about to come to an end. So I need to kick it into high gear to once again get some things in place before I get to NY into order to return home knowing my mother is being taken care of. I've been doing so much research and talking to so many people. The ideas and advice sound great in theory, but in reality it's a different story. I cannot implement anything if my mother doesn't cooperate. And who am I to think that I know what's best for her? This is so confusing. I can't just leave her alone. Everywhere I go for help there's a price tag attached but no one seems to really care. As my sweetie pointed out, what happened to the days when churches would have a committee to check on the "sick and shut-in". Members of the church would come by the house with a pot of food, ask the member if they needed anything, pick them up to take them to service or even give communion. My mother hasn't been to church since May at least and no one has been over to see her in an official capacity. A couple of her friends call and stop by but that's it. They are elderly themselves and can only do so much.
You know, I got on my sweetie's case this morning because he told me he posted something on his niece's facebook wall that I thought was private. He said it was the only way he could get her attention and actually it worked because he got a call from her. That incident made me think about this blog and how public it is. Although I never intended to put anyone on blast here, I realize that the very family members that I have issues with could be reading this every day. Here I am thinking they don't know what's going on with my mother and don't really care, but in actuality any information they need is right here. Sadly, that makes it even worse because I have been sharing my feelings, my frustrations, my confusion and my pain for weeks now. If they know that and still have not called then shame on them. I can't even bring myself to call them because I don't know what to say. I reached out for help and got nothing. When I get nothing, I give nothing.
This feels like a very melodramatic entry tonight but this is my space and I can say anything I want. Whoever has a problem with it can stop reading or leave a comment. Let's see who's got moxie.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 183

I was what they call a "picture wrap" on the Disney film today. This is the first project I have worked on that used that term. I was in hair and make-up way longer than I was on camera but Rhoda (my character) looked beautiful for the prom. As a matter of fact everyone did. Even the director was wearing a prom dress over his T-shirt and shorts! Too funny. I had so much fun working on this film and I look forward to doing more work where I feel like a member of the family. Usually as a guest star, co-star or day player an actor feels like a visitor when he/she shows up on set. Everyone who has been working daily gets to establish relationships and form bounds (or not) with their co-workers. I anxiously await the days when I get to say, "I look forward to going to work everyday." By work, let's be specific...I mean TV and film acting primarily but it could also be hosting, comedy, stage or producing. Just putting all my gifts out on the table. So today it was a picture wrap for me. Now I get to concentrate on my trips to Hawaii for my birthday and New York to handle some business with my Mom.
I'm a little sleepy so for tonight, that's a wrap.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Clear Channel - Day 182

Well I'm still up and haven't received a call time for tomorrow yet. (My last day on the film PROM). Got an email about the wrap party but no email about work tomorrow. That must mean they are working late which means I will have a late call time. That also means I might be able to make it to the two auditions my people have for me in the morning. Both at 11:00 in two different places. It's often a shuffle board game in this business. Let's see who can reschedule so that it works for all of us. One project shoots in New Orleans. Wouldn't mind going back there. I actually like NOLA and have been thinking about it a lot lately. Probably due to Spike Lee's Part II..."And Da Creek Don't Rise", a discussion about it on the Front Page and the fact that Marcia Wall's birthday is coming up. I should probably go to bed so I can get up early not only for work but because I have some more care management to take care of. Tonight I find out that our home attendant spoke to someone who advised her to stop driving my Mom around in her car because of liability concerns. I absolutely agree. That is why I need professional help when I return to NY. I'm worried about my mother's social network and I don't mean online. She's never been one to ask for help (now I know where I get that from) but she really needs to now. She told me today that her friends have offered to take her places etc., but she feels like she's bothering them. I don't see what's wrong with asking one of her girlfriends if she can tag along when they go grocery shopping. Everyone has to eat right? Isn't that what little old ladies do...go shopping together? Even the doctor asked her about her activities and she told him she goes to church three times a week. HUH? How is the church lady sitting up in the doctor's office lying about going to church? Now you know there needs to be an intervention. She's starting to convince me she's OK on the phone but I gotta get back there to see for myself. There will be some people coming over to the house. I ain't afraid to ask for help no mo'!!